New Secrets to make you become popular?

It is important to make your partners think you are attractive enough and make them think they want to date with you again.
As you know, the more frequent you see them, the more you feel intimate in romantic relationships.

What makes you become popular? Have you ever thought why some people who look normal become popular ?
What are factors that contribute to go on a date again?
How do you engage with your partner during conversation to stay intimate??

Here are what I am going to share

1 – Talking about yourself with your partners? Or asking good questions to them? Which is more effective to be more popular and to be asked to go on a date?
2 – How often should we ask questions? And can we use the same techniques for online dating.
3 – Follow-up questions with a surprising face
4 – Five elements to be more intimate with your partners and friends.
1 – escalating.
2 – have mutual conversation.
3 – Allow your partners to talk about their personal experiences or topics gradually.
4 – Disclosure.
5 – physical touch
5 – Interesting effect on when you praise a third person in front of your partner.
6 – Praise straightforwardly Or Praise creatively? Which is more effective?
7 – Praising appearance vs praising personality, which is more effective?
8 – Effect on Gossiping behind someone’s back

1 – Talking about yourself with your partners? Or asking good questions to them? Which is more effective to be more popular and to be asked to go on a date?

In 2017, Harvard university analyzed 110 people who participated in a cupid (match up) party and had conversation for a short period of time and go on a date afterwards.
They analyzed what kind of conversation attracted them and allowed them to schedule next date.
What characteristics did popular participants have? why were they asked to go on a date? Talking about yourself with your partners? Or asking good questions to them? Which is more effective to be more popular and to be asked to go on a date?

Harvard University in the same experiment discovered that it was 50% higher probable that participants who were good at listening actively and asking good questions with curiosity were more popular in the experiment and were asked out.
The key is active listening and asking questions with curiosity. It makes you twice as popular as others!
Usually, males tend to show off what they do and how good they are to females whereas females tend to ask good questions. Biologically, it is pleasurable for human beings to be heard by active listening. Asking questions to them with curiosity that allow them to talk and be heard stimulates as pleasure as receiving money.
However, you want to avoid asking them uncomfortable questions that they don’t want to be asked.

2 – How often should we ask questions? And can we use the same techniques for online dating.

Asking questions with curiosity and listening actively are also applicable to online chatting.
There was an experiment with 300 males and females in which they chatted online without showing faces for 15 min. They switched partners to chat every 15 min.
They discovered that if they asked their partners 9 questions during the 15 min, they were more impressed than the others who asked 4 questions to their partners during the 15 min. In other words, every 1 min and half, they asked questions to their partners. It is also important that you need to ask them questions with curiosity!

3 – Follow-up questions with a surprising face

The team of this experiment also commented another effective technique besides asking frequent questions.
It is to ask follow-up questions with a surprising face (your eyebrows are raised up).
Initially, allow your partner to talk about what they want to talk about first.
Based on what they shared with you, you ask more questions about it and continue asking follow-up questions based on what they shared. This shows you are listening to them with curiosity, and you feel more curious about them as well.
For example, If I share with you “I love reading a book on investing money on stock market,” You go “ Oh, you are interested in investment. What books would you recommend?

4 – Five elements to be more intimate with your partners and friends.
Arthur Arron Ph.D from New York State University collected 150 couples and checked how they became intimate. They found 5 elements that helped couples become intimate.

1 – escalating.
Escalating is to talk gradually about topics deeply. Most people talk about them superficially and stay at the surface level. So, gradually, talk about topics at deeper level that stimulate emotions.
Then, check how your partners respond to these topics and observe if they show some emotions, facial expression, and body expression.
2 – have mutual conversation. Do not only ask random questions or talk about yourself only.
Ask your partners questions that are common with both of you while listening actively. Then ask the follow-up questions. Show them there is commonality between you and your partners. Show that you are more interested in your partners and their topics than yourself and your topics that you want to talk about. This technique is applicable to partners, friends, co-workers. Avoid asking questions mechanically like an interview or avoid showing off yourself.
For example, after you ask a question to your partner, she tells you that she is reading a novel on romance. Then, you go, “Oh you like a novel? I like to read a book too.”

3 – Allow your partners to talk about their personal experiences or topics gradually.
Initially, show your curiosity to your partners and sign that you are actively listening. While you are using the first 2 techniques, you show you have common interest in topics that your partners are talking about with you. While you are showing the common interest to your partners, you ask your partners about their personally life or experiences based on the topics that are talked about. It is because people hesitate to share their personal experiences and topics unless you start to talk about them with them.

For example, after you ask a question to your partner, she tells you that she is into reading a novel on romance. Then, you go, “Oh you like a novel? I like to read a novel too.” You ask a follow-up question back to her, “what part of the novel did you like?” Repeat this process of asking questions, showing commonality, (personal common interest briefly) and asking follow-up questions. Show you know closer topics that you are interested in. Then, if she tells you “I am into reading a romantic novel.” You go, “a romantic novel is very interesting. It makes you experience as if it was your personal romantic experience.”

4 – Disclosure.
If your partners are sharing their recent break-up, ask them follow-up questions based on their sharing.
“What happened to you? What did you learn from it? What do you think about their ex-partners? What relationship are you interested in right now?”
While at the same time, you can disclose some of your personal experiences that relate to what they told you. It is more effective that you share your personal experience in the same topic that your partner is sharing. For example, you share with them “I had break-up a few years ago. After that, I became distrustful of people for a while. But right now, I am looking for a serious relationship.” This will give them positive impression about you. As you disclose your personal experiences, your partner will open up more about her personal experience.

5 – physical touch
A very short body touch builds up intimacy. You touch wrist or outer upper arm only for a few seconds.
If you try something new such as new activities, sports and/or trips that your partners haven’t visited. Unfamiliar places make people feel fearful so that your partners may want to be physical closer to you.

5 – Interesting effect on when you praise a third person in front of your partner.
Usually you try to praise your partners to become more intimate. Here is an interesting effect on praising.
Arizona State University observed the total of 145 males and females in which they praised a third person.
They discovered an effect on praising a third person such as friends, co-workers, actors, singers etc.
When you are talking about a third person with your partner, your partner projects an image of the third person onto you.
When you talk about a third person negatively, that negative impression will be projected back onto you.
If you want to have certain positive impression such as money, smartness, etc, you praise someone else who has these qualities.

6 – Praise straightforwardly Or Praise creatively? Which is more effective?
In 2017, 116 female subjects were shown male pictures and they were told that these males praised you. They were divided into two groups. In one of the groups, their physical appearance was praised straightforwardly. In the other group, their physical appearance was praised creatively using metaphor (your eyes look bright like a gemstone.
This experiment discovered that creative praise gives males twice better impression than straightforward praise. The more creative praise males use for females, the happier females become.
Males who have higher creativity are more attractive to females because they look smart and intelligent. Therefore Novelists tend to be popular.

7 – Praising appearance vs praising personality, which is more effective?
Praising makes males more attractive for sure except for one thing. It is praising females’ physical appearance.
In 2015, there was discovery through when new couples are praised about their physical appearance, it worked negatively. In other words, when they just started to date, it was not a good idea to praise their physical appearance. This happens because you have not understood my personality, but you seem to love my appearance only.
On the contrary, if couples have been dating longer than 14 months, praising their physical appearance worked well because they believed that they have understood each other including their personalities.
Also, for new couples, their personalities or behaviors should be praised instead of their physical appearance or looking. After their relationships are stable, their physical appearance should be praised.

8 – Effect on Gossiping behind someone’s back
In 2006, Oklahoma University found that couples became 33% more intimate with each other when they gossiped someone else that both dislikes.
Human beings respond more to negative parts of conversation because information on conversation increases.